my big, expensive mistake

I am not an optimist. I am a realist. And today is the anniversary of my brothers death from heart disease. What the hell was I thinking going for tests today?

Friday I go to the family doctor. When I was there the last time she wanted a BMP and an electrocardiogram. Or so I thought. I looked online and EKGs ran up to about $200. Doable. The doctor wanted baseline test because of my high blood pressure.

I delay everything as long as possible and today was the big day. I went and got the blood work done this morning. I signed up for their cash payment card. it cost $10 and the test was $20. Without the card it was $55. Pretty much a no-brainer. Now all that was left to do is wait and worry about the results. Did I mention I don't do well on tests?

When I returned home I looked at the slip for the EKG, and called the number. I wanted to schedule an EKG. They told me it was drop in, and where to go at Muhlenberg and where to park.

I left for work an hour early, headed to the hospital, walked up to the second floor. One nice thing about the Lehigh Valley Hospitals is there is art in the hallways. Of course I took took way too much time looking at art. I signed in. They gave me a beeper. The last time I was anywhere like that you had a pick-a-number, like at the deli. There was a lot of people, but they called me quickly. I did the paper work and she sent me and my beeper out to wait again.

Five minutes later the girl that registered me came out and said, this isn't an EKG, it's an ECHOcardogram. An ultrasound. Shit.  I had the choice to stay and take the test in a half hour or schedule an appointment and leave. I decided to stay because there was no way in heck I was ever going back. It would give the doctor one less thing to lecture at me about which is a plus. But as I waited I thought that sounds expensive. I was trying to squash my bolting instinct.

I walked in the room and saw this machine and the dollar signs started dancing in my head. My heart was racing. I was almost crying. I wanted to run out of the room topless. The realization of what was about to happen hit. I bet she took a 100 pictures in 15 minutes. At places I didn't even think were heart related. Maybe I should have paid attention in science class. I was there less than a half hour. I have no idea what was in those pictures but I'm terrified.

Online I've read the test costs anywhere from $250 to almost 5  grand. With my luck it will be the high end, not the low end. I have no idea how I'll pay a large test bill AND fix the hole in the kitchen floor.  Not to mention what happens when they find something.

I'm fat, halfway to 60 and have high blood pressure with a history of bad luck. The fatalist in me knows that they will find something. I have no medical insurance. I can't do disease. Every time my cell phone rings I'm going to panic. I called Bonnie on the way to the car hoping she'd calm me down. Got voice mail. I nearly cried.

Friday terrifies me.

wawa

I realize that this fall under the category, "those that live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones", but what the heck.

I was at the Wawa (for those who don't know, a convenience store) at 6, 6:45 in the morning getting Sharon coffee and Pat coke. A family was gathered at the slushie (Slurpie) machine. The parents and 3 or 4 year old child were overweight, but by no means big or huge.

Dad had a coffee. Mom was filling two large cups with cherry slushies. In her hand she had a bag of star donuts with icing and sprinkles, and three breakfast sandwiches.

Maybe this is a special holiday tradition. Or maybe it's everyday. But I found myself worried about the child. What are they teaching him?

Sunday off?

I've been training for the walks since about April. neither went exactly according to plan. Such is life. Today I was going to train for the marathon with my GS friend Betsy, but she's ill. So I decided to take the day off; at least for now.

The sun is out and it's warm. I did the laundry and hung it outside to dry. I cleaned out some of the garden and picked the volunteer pumpkins and cleaned up the vines. I had extended pumpkin picking invites to all my friends and family in town with wee ones. Nobody came. So now I have 5 beautiful pumpkins to process with the Kitchen Aid.  If you need pumpkin for your Thanksgiving pies, let me know. The puree gets so beautiful in the Kitchen Aid that all you need to do is add cream, spices and call it soup. If only I liked pumpkin.

So now I'm getting caught up on paperwork, getting Sharon's address book updated, and her Christmas labels printed out for her client Christmas cards. It almost sounds like a average day.

Today on the CBS Morning show, yep I watched tv too, it was all about obesity.  It did not inspire me. Usually that kind of stuff does. Maybe taking a little time off is good. But not too much. I have to go back to the "doctor" for my blood pressure by Thanksgiving. If I slack-off too much it will skyrocket back up, he'll get angry, and give me more drug. I don't want more drugs. I want less. Actually I want none.

I don't think I'm even going to try the marathon. I can't walk fast enough and I'm not that motivated to train. Back to back breast cancer walks have burnt me out. I haven't had my pedometer on in about a month!

Maybe I'll go walking later today. It's only 10:30 am and already I'm feeling guilty for not get my lard-butt moving. I really do want to break in my new sneakers.

A trip to Wawa

This morning I made an innocent trip to Wawa for milk. I was in the car and following the city bus. As I approached Broadway and Delaware a family got off the bus to walk the 2 blocks to the grade school. Now in Bethlehem, if you live more than 1 mile away, you ride the school bus. These people took the bus maximum 7-8 blocks. Mom was really overweight. The kids were overweight. The walk would have done them good. Besides, who want's to throw that kind of money away everyday to ride the bus. It's $2.50 per person! Even with passes it's got to be $1.50.

Then as the bus pulled away the girl child, maybe 6 years old, took her empty two-quart Gatorade bottle and tried to toss it over the hedge into someones yard. I was aghast. First of all she was drinking Gadorade with no exercise, and it was 8:15 am. Then she was obviously trying to throw her trash into someones yard. And when she missed she left it lying on the sidewalk. The mother didn't discipline her. She ignored it and the family jaywalk across the street.

I was livid. Another stupid parent, doing stupid thing in front of their children. These kids will not grow up to be productive members of society. I can assure you that.

By the time I reached the Wawa I had settled down. Coming in thru the other door were fit and healthy parents wearing workout clothes. They were sweaty and didn't have an ounce of fat between them. The child was a bit overweight wearing his school uniform. I attributed it to stocking up before a growth sput. He was maybe 10. He walks into the store and gets Gatorade and a chocolate doughnut for breakfast. And his parent let him. In a store full of better choices.

Since when did Gatorade become a breakfast drink? These kids aren't playing football, or little league or running a marathon. They don't need the stuff that's in there. They need vitamins and minerals and protein and stuff like that. OMG I beginning to sound like my friend Angel.