my big, expensive mistake

I am not an optimist. I am a realist. And today is the anniversary of my brothers death from heart disease. What the hell was I thinking going for tests today?

Friday I go to the family doctor. When I was there the last time she wanted a BMP and an electrocardiogram. Or so I thought. I looked online and EKGs ran up to about $200. Doable. The doctor wanted baseline test because of my high blood pressure.

I delay everything as long as possible and today was the big day. I went and got the blood work done this morning. I signed up for their cash payment card. it cost $10 and the test was $20. Without the card it was $55. Pretty much a no-brainer. Now all that was left to do is wait and worry about the results. Did I mention I don't do well on tests?

When I returned home I looked at the slip for the EKG, and called the number. I wanted to schedule an EKG. They told me it was drop in, and where to go at Muhlenberg and where to park.

I left for work an hour early, headed to the hospital, walked up to the second floor. One nice thing about the Lehigh Valley Hospitals is there is art in the hallways. Of course I took took way too much time looking at art. I signed in. They gave me a beeper. The last time I was anywhere like that you had a pick-a-number, like at the deli. There was a lot of people, but they called me quickly. I did the paper work and she sent me and my beeper out to wait again.

Five minutes later the girl that registered me came out and said, this isn't an EKG, it's an ECHOcardogram. An ultrasound. Shit.  I had the choice to stay and take the test in a half hour or schedule an appointment and leave. I decided to stay because there was no way in heck I was ever going back. It would give the doctor one less thing to lecture at me about which is a plus. But as I waited I thought that sounds expensive. I was trying to squash my bolting instinct.

I walked in the room and saw this machine and the dollar signs started dancing in my head. My heart was racing. I was almost crying. I wanted to run out of the room topless. The realization of what was about to happen hit. I bet she took a 100 pictures in 15 minutes. At places I didn't even think were heart related. Maybe I should have paid attention in science class. I was there less than a half hour. I have no idea what was in those pictures but I'm terrified.

Online I've read the test costs anywhere from $250 to almost 5  grand. With my luck it will be the high end, not the low end. I have no idea how I'll pay a large test bill AND fix the hole in the kitchen floor.  Not to mention what happens when they find something.

I'm fat, halfway to 60 and have high blood pressure with a history of bad luck. The fatalist in me knows that they will find something. I have no medical insurance. I can't do disease. Every time my cell phone rings I'm going to panic. I called Bonnie on the way to the car hoping she'd calm me down. Got voice mail. I nearly cried.

Friday terrifies me.

blood pressure day

I ran out of blood pressure meds so I had to darken the doc-in-a-boxes doorstep yesterday.  I'm sure they were thrilled.

I did a couple of things hoping to tip the odds in my favor. First I went with Sharon to Planet Fitness and worked out an hour.  It was Sunday; I would have done that anyway. I also had a huge glass of water before I left.

Then I took a 32 ounce water with me. I finished that by the time I got home. Then I had another. I didn't eat at all. I literally fasted for about 15 hours.

When I took my BP at home it was 137/70. Terrific for me. At the doc-in-a-box it was 114/83. Say what? It usually goes up, not down. Personally I don't think the nurse did it right. But who am I to argue. She didn't weigh me either, which was odd.

The doctor was delighted with my numbers. No lectures at all. Since my BP is now "under control" he gave me a script to have blood work done so he could see where my other numbers are. He would have done it yesterday but he was sure I had eaten. (I didn't tell him otherwise.) That's fine. With diabetes and high cholesterol in the family, I need to be careful. Having two sibling die of heart disease in a month is also another good reason. But it's what he said next that pissed me off. After we get the numbers back we can see "if you need more medication."

Excuse me. Haven't I told him enough times that more medication is not an option? Apparently not. The goal is no medication. I really believe that this is a situation that can be controlled with diet and exercise.

I don't go back for three months. I'll have the blood work done about two weeks ahead of time. Last night when we we walking, Bonnie said she'd draw it, that way she'll get the results before me. No surprises.

Now that school is almost over, I can go back to cooking. I've already turned into the salt police.  Whole grains are next. If the roomies don't like it, they can dine somewhere else.

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image from sxc.hu; Bill Davenport

50°F on January 16

No excuses not to walk today.

Okay, maybe last night's adventure was a good one, but as mama used to say "what doesn't kill you makes you strong."

Last night my shoulder hurt, and I had indigestion. I think. I had convinced myself it was a heart attack, especially after my right arm fell asleep. The more I stressed the more things started to hurt. So I doodled and watched NUMB3RS. Then I went to bed, determined I'd never wake up. I took my phone with me so I could call 911 as my last act. (But how could they get in the house?)

Needless to say I woke up and still had indigestion. So I had 2 "Greekers"* for lunch, they back talked for about a half hour and then did their magic. "Greekers" are better for indigestion than pricey drugs. Not exactly on the food plan, but a girl must do, what a girl must do.

Mid morning I decided to walk after lunch. I haven't been going far. I've been going shorter, harder distances. Today I walked down to 4th, went up the 4th St. hill, down to Ostrum and was going to the hospital to do the stairs before going home. Then I saw the parking deck. Never paid attention to it before. There are four towers with four-five flights of stairs. I decided to cut over, and go up and down each. The first was locked, but I did the others. Then I used the stairs thru the parking lots to get to the Main Entrance, and headed for the stairs. The hospital is a maze, and I apparently zigged when I should have zagged and ended up it the shorter half of the building. Only five flights. But it was okay. I did all the ones in the parking deck to.  (The sign was at the exit of the lot.)

Then I resisted the urge the nurse showed me to avoid the hill. (At the time, I was guiding mama downhill in a wheelchair. Gravity almost got the best of me.) I went up the hill and headed home. It was about 1.5-2 miles. It felt good.

If I'm going to do the 52 flights at the end of February, I need to get out there more often. Bad weather or not.

*Greekers--Hot dogs from Pete's Doggie Shop. They have a sloppy, spicy beef topping.

Jarrod's Jems

Jarrod always went to charity basket bingo's. His favorite being his Boy Scout Troop Camp Association one at the Fearless. He rarely lost at bingo. In spring we were all at the basket bingo, calling on Jarrod's spirit for help (we rarely win). And someone said we should have a team name. Many were batted about and I'm not sure who picked Jarrod's Jems, but it stuck.

His cousin Mandy heard about the Heart Association Walk (http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=296373) earlier in the summer. It was decided that Jarrod's Jems would be walking. I would be designing and walking. I knew the logo had to glittery, but not be girly, and it had to be black and green for his Eagles. I sent Bonnie the three choices. This is the one she picked. Actually Beth was here working on her Avon page (http://www.avonwalk.org/goto/bethsboobs ... it's funny) and helped me design it. We're going to put it on a white tee shirt, small over the left breast or maybe in the center between the girls. Decisions, decisions.

Beth & I will be walking, maybe as renegades. I don't want to, and cannot, raise more money. I still have $600 to go for the cancer walks. Bonnie will be walking, testing out those new knees. If you want to walk join us Sept 20 at the Industrial Park. It's level, blacktopped, and has limited traffic. Should be fun.

Jarrod's Jems are mom Bonnie, aunt Bev, gram Alice (bingo only...no octogenarians will be walking!), cousin Mandy, me, auntie Sharon and now Beth.