reflections .... realizations

I've been blogging since about 2007. My brother had started to blog about boomerangs and the blog was free from RCN. I think it was called the RCN Journal. I signed up (Tall and Fat Tales) and had nothing to write about. It laid dormant until that summer when my international student, her friend, Bonnie, my brother and his wife went tubing on the Delaware. The story was unbelievable. I finally had something to blog about. My first post was "Tubing on Willy Wonka's Chocolate River".  It included stories on graffiti on my garage, and the "do not use or you will die" sign on my 50-year old furnace, and some walking adventures. Normal, mundane stuff. Nothing on a regular basis.

Then high blood pressure happened in October of 2008. One of the family curses. I needed to get serious about exercise and diet. I was 256 pounds. My blood pressure was over 200.


I found quickly that I could not just walk for the sake of walking. I bored easily. Everyone who reads this blog knows that. I needed a goal. I saw one of the sappy commercial for the Koman  Breast Cancer 3-Day in winter of 2009, did a little research, and signed up for the 3-Day. My friend Karen was dying of the disease. It was perfect. Plus she lived in Philly. She'd meet me at the finish and I'd collapse at her place. Sadly she died before that could happen.

Regardless, I was motivated and began training. Part of the online fundraising platform was a blog, and it was a way to keep me accountable. If I missed a day of training, and then blogging, my sister was sure to call. "Didn't you walk yesterday?" she'd ask. After it was over, I printed it all out and stuck it in my photo album because once the 3-Day was over, it would be gone.

At the same time the mundane stuff remained on Tall and Fat Tales.

I liked blogging and finally had something to talk about. Training for the 3-day I lost about 10 pounds and 3 dress sizes. In one summer. Clearly I was all fat. (I wonder what the number is. My BMI is still 44!) I gave up drinking massive amounts of soda and started to eat better.

After the 3-day I moved my walking adventures to Tall and Fat Tales. Then the notice came from RCN. No more blogs. It didn't occur to me to make a copy. All that is gone. Now I have books printed.

When I did the Walk Your Butt Off test program in fall 2011-winter 2012 I weighed in at about 236 pounds. I didn't even notice I had lost another 10 pounds. How is that possible?

Still I was discouraged. I was still FAT. I am still fat. Nothing I did — at least in my head—seemed to take the weight off. I was still wearing the same sizes I wore after that first 3-Day.  I was walking my ass off and doing half marathons, climbing stairs, changing my diet over and over, going to nutritionists and to no avail. That's what motivated me to sign up for the Sugar Crushers test panel.

When I started the Sugar Crushers test panel I weighed in again. This time I was about 226. I don't remember. Numbers aren't my thing. But it looks like I had kept off the WYBO weight loss. This time I lost 8 pounds in a month. But dang it was hard. The restrictions nearly drove me screaming down the street. I can't function like that.

That being said, over the weekend the light bulb went off. In four years I have lost 40 pounds and kept it off. (Sorry, no pixs of me in 2007-08. Clearly avoiding camera. Or maybe deleted them.) I'm not really sure if I can see it. (Though I do remember thinking I looked hot in the black and white. Clearly that was a mirage.) I am going to own and embrace that fact. Forty pounds is not insignificant. Perhaps I am not failing at this after all. I'm just doing it really, really, slowly. I only have 18 more pounds to go before I hit my goal of "onederland". Anything after that, pardon the pun, is gravy.

I will do this. Hopefully it won't take two more years.