looking for healthy food in all the wrong places.

As my readers know I am trying Noom. Trying being the operative word. Today challenge is to SHARE MORE.  (Hell, if that will happen. I'm only doing it here because nobody reads this regularly.) Share a selfie of your workout, or cooking masterpieces blah, blah, blah, retch. It's all about extra accountability. I'm sharing a picture from my last workout since I didn't work out today I had my nails done. Now my sneakers will fit. I should have taken a before and after picture. Bethy works miracles.

A couple days this week I did chair workouts. Mostly because I was bored. I find them on youtube. This guy is good. I'll have to stop that when I have my hysterectomy for a couple weeks.

It's only been about 50 days and it feels longer than the pandemic. I'm about 3/4 of the way thru my "course" and am still waiting to hear something I haven't heard before. Although I will tell you they are thorough. They whittle down all the dieting advice from the last three decades and give it to you in bites, with the science backing it up. But I no longer care. It has become a chore. No different than cleaning the house or the toilet. I haven't cared since about day three. But I persist.

One of our discussion questions this week was to step back in time and reflect on "how far you've come since you started this journey".  There was more, but that is the gist. Everyone who posted was in dieting/lifestyle nirvana. Not me. But I tried to keep it positive. I posted "I am eating better and moving more but I don't feel any different. I keep waiting for "it" to kick in. Actually numerous times I nearly quit. (But when I spend $ on something I stick it out to the end.)" It got 8 likes. Either I have kindred spirits out there, or they aren't actually reading the posts. Although I am pen pals with a guy who was going to quit. So I signed up to me his motivator. I can motivate other people, just not myself.
 

I am still standing on the starting line. It reminds me of a race I did at the teen's middle school back in 2015 when I fell at the start and it seemed like two hours before I started to move. It was probably two minutes. Eventually I snapped out of it and moved. I had a swollen black and blue knee for weeks. I actually went to the doctor for x-rays. It was bad.

I rode the weight roller coaster this week. We have to weigh ourselves every day. Very briefly last week I got on the scale and it actually went down five pounds. It corrected itself two days later, and went up for three days (total of 6) and is now going down. Then it will go up. The same five pounds on an endless loop.

Yesterday I took Pat for blood work and we went to the diner for breakfast. We only get 1250 calories divided into three groups. Low calorie, high density foods are green (fruit, veggies, whole grains), yellow (lean meat, low fat dairy, other stuff) and red calories. That's butter, mayo, red meat, full fat dairy, refined grains, adult beverages, nuts, nut butters, nut milks, Cherrios, any kind of sugar ... . I generally max out my red calories by lunch, and although I usually hit my calorie budget, or close, 85% of the time I'll be over in red. Breakfast used to be an easy meal. Now it's hard as hell. I wake up dreading breakfast. I have defaulted to eating a lot eggs (yellow) so  I didn't want my normal omelet. I took a risk and got the blueberry pancakes. Two, about 6 inches each. I ate 1.5 and ended up using half my calories for the day but went 141 calories over on my red calories. PLUS I didn't get green credit for the blueberries which were abundant. (OJ is yellow but pickles are green. I don't get it.)

Thursday I went walking with the volkssport group. I had no fresh fruit left in the house and all my typical snacks are red -- dried fruit, nuts, cheese, Kind bars -- I stopped at a plain old gas station (Not the Wawa, Sheetz, Buckees type) for more water. I thought about grabbing a snack. There was nothing. All my hiking fall-backs are red. So I bought pretzels. Ate a half bag. Guess what? They are red too.

In case anyone does read this, this Hell will end in 168 days. I'm certainly not renewing. And you never know, a miracle can happen. But I need to change my attitude. Angel is coming over with and extra Silk & Sonder planner. Hopefully working that will help flip my script.