I get a lot of emails from nature centers and conservation groups. It's the nature of the beast. They are always offering some sort of program and I always try to resist. Luckily my calendar does a lot of the resisting for me.
The Lehigh Nature Gap sent out a notice about snorkeling in the Lehigh. My calendar was free and I thought what fun. An athletic adventure and signed up.
About a week ago I started having 2nd thoughts. I was still having them yesterday morning. But I went. And all my seconds thoughts were correct. This was an Athletic Adventure that failed. Big time.
I arrived with my water shoes and towel. They gave me a wet suit -- which I will never wear again -- and told me how to put it on. My legs went in okay. It was like putting on tights. The rest, however, was a struggle. People were coming in and putting them on in a heartbeat. Of course most were not wrestling 250 pounds into it. My suit was a XL. They don't go by width. They go by length. I just made the cut for XL. He wanted to give me a large! (Ladies. Think of it this way. You wear a large Spanx and they gave you an extra small. And it's the right size. Think about the wiggling that happens.) I worked 15 minutes and still couldn't get it on. I asked the instructor for help. He said he'd have to touch me. My reply, touch whatever the fuck you want. I was this close to just wearing my swim suit.
He got is on and zipped it up and then velcro'ed it. We were in an air conditioned building, I was sweating profusely and felt like I couldn't breathe. And I still had to put my shoes on. I had water shoes. I think sneakers might have been better.
We walked down to the river. (The soles on water shoes are thin. I felt ever pebble.) I figured we'd walk into the river about waist height and bend over and look in. The water was maybe a foot deep unless you were in the middle. People were laying on the river bed and looking. Or floating. I kept trying to get to deeper water but he river bed was rocks. Slippery rocks. I needed my walking stick and maybe sneakers. I couldn't sit down because I wouldn't be able to get up. I couldn't crouch because my knees don't do that. I learned at adult weekend that I can no longer even float.
The third time I started slipping I was headed backwards. I righted myself so all those balance exercises must be working. It took me 15 minutes to get that far. Meanwhile 10-year-olds are getting yelled at for crossing the river. I turned and headed downstream, it seemed deeper. But then I slipped again. I headed back to shore.
I never once was able to put my face in the water. Hell. I never even pulled down the mask.
I should know better than trying water sports. I always fail at them. And it's mobility issues. The inability to get up and down is a big one. Squatting is another. And my super stiff upper thighs is a third one. But nothing I'm doing so far has fixed it.
This is what a beached whale looks like walking upright. Although as we were walking to the river the instructor kept saying we were penguins.
Weather: low-eighties, sunny, not humid. (Thank goodness)
Bathrooms:
I-4.5
Wildlife: Bald eagle on a telephone pole. Kept diving into the river upstream.
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