i'd allowed myself to be hopeful

If you've been following along, the last few weeks I've been optimistic that my vision issues could be corrected with surgery. Having no insurance this adventure would cost about $5K. I wouldn't have spent the money if I didn't think it would work.

I am not an optimist. I am a pessimist. If you always assume the worse will happen, you're pleasantly surprised when something good happens. So being optimistic took a lot of work. But I was there. I had people of various faiths praying for me, holding me in the light, and just wishing good luck. Yesterday was the big day -- my cataract surgery.

The hope was to remove the massive cataract and then I'd be able to have some vision return in my right eye.  I arrived scared but ready. The thought of having two eyes again really motivated me. It took about an hour to give me 17 kinds of drops, push a BP cuff on, and insert an IV port. I should have know that the IV port hurting the whole time was an indicator. I pushed on.

My appointment was at 9:30. They finally walked me over to the surgical suite at about 10:15. They wrapped me like a cacoon. There was a blanket on the chair that they "swaddled" me in with my hands at my side. I think my head was in the center of some sort of pillow enclosure. Then they strapped me down. I was not going anywhere. Then I went backward. I think I wasn't horizontal. I think I was more than horizontal. After washing my eye and my face they covered it and began. I couldn't see anything but I felt it. It wasn't pain, but it wasn't pleasant either. Sticks and pinches and pokes. I'm guessing it wasn't from the actual laser.

I felt like I was on the table forever. He kept telling me not to move and to not hold my breath. I was concentrating so hard on not doing either one of those things, but apparently, I did them anyway. It was finally over.

They walked me back to recovery. I sat down, listened to the instructions, and then covered my good eye with my hand. Nothing. I wasn't prepared for that. I was positive and optimistic. Good things were supposed to happen.

I kept checking all day. Still nothing. My one friend suggested it was just the swelling and it would be better in the morning. It wasn't. Still nothing.

I walked up to the doctor this morning and he also seemed a little disappointed. My pressure was up as well. But on the upside, the surgery went well. He said there's a lot of swelling and still much cloudiness. It will take time. I go back Thursday. I don't expect any changes. On the upside, I'll save money on glasses because I'll only need one lens.

I don't mind being a one-eyed walker. But I worry if the same thing will happen to the other eye. I won't be able to work. Drive. Walk alone. It will suck.

Miles/Steps:                 10 blocks

Weather:                       50, sunny, windy